I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
