I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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