SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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