summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You left your phone here
Wait...
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