I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
