dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
