just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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