I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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