TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
operation have a gay friend backfired
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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