got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
