Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
