is your mom at the bar?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
