She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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