How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
