haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
