haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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