I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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