Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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