She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
