four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
