I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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