I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
