She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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