Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
