Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
