You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
