I can text with my tongue
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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