Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
