she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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