I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
