No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
