just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
