She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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