I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
