i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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