I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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