When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
