hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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