I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
