Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
