Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
