I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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