Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
