Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
