he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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