i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
