Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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