i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
