We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
