Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
